Thanks, But No Thanks

I got this offer from US Airways in my email box this evening. Travel to Birmingham UK and get some kind of bonus air miles. Well sorry, but Birmingham is a nasty shit hole and the only way I would be travelling there is if the entire trip were first class and free, and if there were a private (and free) helicopter waiting for me in Birmingham to fly me somewhere nice.

I've been to many shit cities around the UK, and Birmingham is right up there among the worst. The other crappy cities that make up the Midlands, only seem to enhance the natural shiteness of Brum.

As for that picture of Birmingham, yeah right. They probably had to airbrush the discarded shopping trolleys and homeless people out of the picture.

Guitar Hero Generation

I guess I'm getting old because I'm about to wag my finger at the younger generation here (get off my lawn!).

Bill Maher coined a phrase in Real Time last week that struck rather an interesting chord. He referred to Millennials as the Guitar Hero generation. A group of young people who would rather play a video game with a fake guitar, than pick up a real guitar and learn to play.

Bill certainly had a point.

I was reading Yahoo! Answers today, and some youngster (or disturbingly illiterate older person who writes like a teen) asked where he could find a poker bot to assist him beating his father in an online play money poker game.

Most of us can remember when we beat our fathers at a game for the first time. It is a rite of passage to finally get old enough to realize that your parent is not infallible or unbeatable.

But what story is our little guitar hero going to have for his children one day? "Yes son, one day I figured out how to download a program someone else had written and use it to cheat at poker for play money against my dad. I can still remember the look in his eyes as he proudly acknowledged I had finally beaten him. One day son, you too will learn to cheat just as I did, and you'll outsmart your old man, just as I did."

Of course the slight flaw in this master plan is the reality that cheating prevents you from actually learning the game. There are a million web sites to read, thousands of books. But some people they would rather cheat. Let's hope this isn't really a hallmark of the Guitar Hero generation.

Meh - Simpsons Porn #1

On this blog I have covered many serious issues. The incompetence of George Bush, poverty, the health care crisis, the election, evil corporations and many other less important things.

But in what can only be described as a sad day for this blog, the article I wrote about the Simpson's word 'Meh' being added to the dictionary is now number one out of over 300 articles!

Based on my hit statistics, this isn't due to people searching for the word 'Meh' or anything innocuous. This is because people are searching for simpsons porn and getting my page by accident.

If Lisa Simpson were real, I'm sure she would shed a few tears over the human condition that has pushed that article to the top of my hit counter.

For those interested in the statistics, a Google Image search for 'simpsons sex' now produces a staggering 1.9 million hits, while 'simpsons porn' produces close to a million images. Meh!

In any case, thanks for the hits pervets. Please enjoy your stay. Sorry I censored Lisa Simpson in the picture above. But you'll have to look elsewhere for naked cartoon children having sex.

First Tennessee Bank Drive Thru

Another misspelled sign that made me laugh.

Only three transactions per VECHILE!

Tennessee Whine

The other day I made a trip to the Package Store where I buy my wine. For some reason there is some fucked up law that requires a liquor store in Tennessee to refer to itself as a package store, in some obviously archaic nonsense that should have been wiped off the books years ago.

As I approached the store, I noticed that there was a new sign in the window. This sign read as followed:

Dear Consumers,

We have been fucking you in the ass now for many years. We offer shoddy service, a crappy looking store, and the inconvenience of our location. But thankfully, state law gives you no choice but to buy your wine here, so fuck you. Oh and by the way, we are going to ass rape you on the price too, because we are a monopoly.

Have a good day, bitch.

Okay so I'm lying about the sign. It didn't really say that. But the sign was there and it did ask me to go to some web site and sign up to oppose Tennessee changing the law on liquor sales.

Effectively they were asking me as the consumer to advocate for their shitty over-priced store, and ask our politicians to block legislation that would allow my local supermarket to sell wine as they do in civilized parts of the world.

Now Tennessee has some of the stupidest and most draconian liquor laws in the country. They require waitresses and waiters who make minimum wage to get certified to sell alcohol. They have weird laws that allow the government to punish a minimum wage worker who accidentally sell alcohol to a minor. And they also have all kinds of stupid consumer laws:

• You may buy beer in a gas station or grocery store.
• You may not buy beer in certain counties before noon on Sunday.
• You may buy beer in a grocery store, but not wine.
• You may buy ale in a liquor store, but not beer or lager.
• You may buy Everclear that contains 95% alcohol, but you cannot buy coke to dilute it or a plastic cup to drink it out of in a liquor store.
• You can buy margarita mix in a grocery store, and mix it with the finest tequila purchased in a liquor store. However, if you buy margarita mix in a package store it will be tainted with the legally required 1% alcohol content.
• You can buy a corkscrew in a grocery store, but not in a liquor store.

The bottom line here is that this is 2009. 33 states (and D.C.) already offer wine in grocery stores, and no evidence has been produced that link this to underage drinking or drunk driving.

I am sick of having to go to a special store to buy my wine. I don't want to shuffle out of a 'package store' with some dirty brown bag containing my purchases.

I'd like to be able to go to a grocery store 24/7 and pick up some wine, some cheese, perhaps a little pasta. But instead the state requires me to plan ahead and purchase my wine at a time of their choosing in a special store that provides over priced products due to a monopoly stranglehold they have.

Tennessee voted Republican in the last election. A clear vote for small government, less regulation on businesses, less red tape, a free market. And all the other bullshit they might lead you to believe.

In any case, a vote of Republican is clearly a vote for less regulation and less government interference.

If Walmart wishes to sell wine in their stores, there is no reason why they should not. They do in 33 other states without a problem. They already sell other alcoholic beverages such as beer. So there is simply no good argument for maintaining these out dated laws.

Eight states that border Tennessee have already given up this archaic vestige of prohibition. Time to take another step towards being a 21st century state. Just for once, let's not be the idiot in the room who has to wait until everyone else is doing something before finally figuring it out.

For more information click here.

Weird Pets

I'm down with the whole exotic pet thing. I do own a small snake as a pet (California King Snake), which many people find repulsive and weird.

During a fortnightly trip to the pet store to find some feeder mice, I noticed an Emperor Scorpion for sale at $16.49.

And even as an exotic pet owner, I just don't get it. I came home and did a little surfing while my snake was eating his lunch, and even the sites aimed at scorpion fans don't make for great reading.

They talk about how beautiful the scorpion is, the pride of pet ownership. But all of them talk about how these animals should be handled as little as possible, don't care if you live or die, and will try to sting you or grab you with their pincers at every available opportunity.

They just sound like an obnoxious, painful little pet, that is just going to hurt you given the chance. Maybe I'm missing something, but I think it would be cheaper and easier to purchase a mouse trap and play with it from time to time.

Teen Pregnancy Up Again

For many years I have criticized the Bush administration for their fucking stupid abstinence only concepts of sex education.

Although it is hardly a great surprise, the failed concept is how having an impact, as the children of the Bush era become teens, have sex, and then get pregnant.

The teen birth rate declined between 1991 and 2005 by 34%. But as the impact of failed abstinence only education programs kick in from 2005 to 2007, teen birth rate has now increased by 5%, and the trend seems to be more of the same.

In some Southern states where religion and poor education often intertwine the new figures suggest that 25% of teens will get pregnant before the age of 20.

For anyone who was still on the fence regarding abstinence only education and the failed reproductive policies of George Bush, the jury is now in. Time to accept reality.

Shut Up Old Man

Like Sarah Palin, granpa McCain won't shut up this week either. Speaking about the Obama administration this week he said, "This staggering deficit threatens our children's and grandchildren's future and simply cannot be sustained." As a follow up he said, "I call on my colleagues on both sides of the aisle to chart a different course toward real change and fiscal responsibility."

Now as someone who was living in America during the entire Bush administration, this is a real What The Fuck? moment for me.

As we learned during McCain's latest failed Presidential bid, this guy voted with George Bush well over 90% of the time, and helped guide us down the road to financial ruin. Rather than speaking out against Bush's moronic policies, he was repeatedly quoted as saying, "I support George Bush."

The thing that just amazes me about Republican politics is the boldness with which they fake outrage and make statements as if there were no such thing as recorded history.

Republicans have spent the first 50 or so days of the new Presidency wagging their fingers and telling us all what horrible mistakes Obama is making. Darth Cheney even did an interview this week in which he told us we were all less safe now (only a Sith deal in absolutes).

Make no mistake, the Republicans headed up by George Bush, took us down this catastrophic path of failure and destruction. Now they think they can stand on the sidelines and tell Democrats how to fix the mess?

Rather than being obstructive and talking about more tax cuts for the wealthy, how about you Republicans denounce the failures of George Bush? How about you admit that you fucked up repeatedly and helped drop our economy in the shitter with a meaningless war in Iraq? Then maybe you will have some credibility when you present new ideas.

No one wants to hear a bunch of negative doom and gloom crap from the opposition. Let's hear your actual concrete plans to fix these problems that your party created.

And someone tell McCain to retire. He is old, useless and out of touch.

Sarah Palin Makes Another Retarded Statement

This week President Obama raised a few eyebrows with a politically incorrect quip. During an interview with Jay Leno he said of his bowling skills, "It's like—it was like Special Olympics, or something..."

Now the fact is most people found that funny. It's just not the kind of statement that you'd expect to hear from a statesman. And sure, it's offensive to those with a disability, and those athletes with special needs.

All that said, let's stop with the fake indignation. Alaska's favorite handicapped person, Sarah Palin, reared her ugly head again to comment on the story:

"This was a degrading remark about our world's most precious and unique people...I hope President Obama's comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community."

All I have to say to that is, go fuck yourself Sarah.

First of all, disabled people are NOT the world's most precious and unique people. Almost universally societies around the world treat the handicapped like crap. And this is certainly true here in America. The fact is people with disabilities face a life long fight against discrimination, and of course their own disability. Some overcome their physical or mental problems through sheer force of will. But let's not kid ourselves that these people are some magical gift from God. These people are unfortunate victims of the human condition, and I'm sure 99% of them have at some point wished they were just like everyone else.

Palin's politically motivated dig at Obama also rings quite hollow when you consider her bullshit stance on rejecting $400m in stimulus money for the state of Alaska. Money that she could have spent on projects for special needs children for example.

I really am sick of this disillusion bitch, thinking she can make a successful presidential run one day. Even those Americans who found Obama's comments on Leno distasteful are not about to elect a second retard into the White House.

No Line On The Horizon - U2 Album

On Tuesday I got up early and dropped by Target on my way to work and purchased the new U2 album No Line On The Horizon. Frankly as I had previously mentioned I was not all that thrilled with the first single Get On Your Boots, in fact I even expressed disappointment.

Having listened to the new album multiple times I am pleased to report that No Line On The Horizon is outstanding.

Any misgivings or concerns I had about the album are already gone. I'm not crazy about all the songs, but there are enough incredible tracks to keep you going back for more. As always the live performances are a joy to behold. Thankfully the biggest band in the world have been on a publicity tour from hell this week which included a mini concert on the roof of the BBC Radio One building in London, a week long stint on Letterman, and a mini concert and interview on Good Morning America last Friday.

For me seeing the performances live only increased my enjoyment of the album. I'm not much of a music expert, and don't normally get into detailed reviews of albums. In fact this may be a first here, but I am going run through all the tracks on the album right here:

1. No Line On The Horizon. For some reason the beginning reminds me of the song that is playing in Silence of The Lambs, when psycho boy is sewing his lady suit. It's a classic U2 anthem and beautifully constructed.
2. Magnificent. I guess it would be a little lazy to describe this song as magnificent, but then fuck it, it's not like I get paid for this shit! The track starts slow but has one of those signature bass and drum beats that relentlessly pushes the song forward with the anticipation of Bono letting loose at some point. The anticipation is rewarded with another gorgeous track.
3. Moment of Surrender. We slow tempo here for a softer song than the first too. I'm not sure I like the lyrics all that much but the chorus is musically attractive. It sounds exactly like the kind of song you'd hear at the end credits of a movie. While I'd be happy to here this song as I walked out of the movie theater, it would only be because I would be walking towards my car out of earshot of this song by the time the boring second half of the song trundles along. Nerds will probably be annoyed by the redundancy of the lyric 'ATM Machine.' People will generally probably dislike the fact that the song is over 7 minutes long.
   
4. Unknown Caller. If you were waiting for some redemption after the previous song, this is unlikely to do it for you. It just sucks, and I can't think of anything good to say about it. Like an unknown caller, this one is probably best screened out.
   
5. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight. Just as the album is beginning to turn you off U2 pull it back with this gem. It's all good. Cool lyrics, great musical elements all around. It has all the elements that for me constitute a great U2 song, and it sounds wonderful live. This one is just such a fun musical journey that takes you to track six.
   
6. Get On Your Boots. The first single from the album is a grower. I was certainly not impressed when I first heard it, but it sneaks up on you and before you know it you love it. Again works wonderfully live. The chord changes are a joy, and it's just a good Vertigo kind of song.
   
7. Stand Up Comedy. I wouldn't really call this a standout track, but it is good enough. Most bands would be happy with a song like this. For me I would hope for just a little more from U2. It's not like it misses the mark, and I think it is a bit of a grower like the previous track. There are certainly some interesting elements that keep it interesting.
   
8. FEZ-Being Born. This one seems to have a lot of echos of old school U2, near the start of their career. Plenty of dramatic yelling and a little self importance. But it is certainly a good one.
   
9. White As Snow. Time for a slow down again. A fairly stripped down song, with some beautiful elements. Not the kind of thing that you'd ever expect to hear as a single, but a perfectly enjoyable slow background song that's probably worth a few listens to understand the story being told.
   
10. Breath. Back with a bold loud faster sound here. It's no City of Blinding Lights or Beautiful Day, but it's certainly another great song.
    
11. Cedars Of Lebanon. The final song on the album is slow uncomplicated affair which for some reason reminds me of some of the slower Dire Straits songs. It's a good B side or end of album cool down song. Bono gives some parting words of advice and the album is done. Unless of course you paid extra for bonus tracks and other incentives to give U2 more money. I didn't so for me the journey ends here.

So the final score is that there are five excellent tracks, five reasonable tracks and one that I think is shit.

If I feed that information into a secret and complicated formula I believe I would give this album a 92.314% rating, or an A- on the scale I just made up.

Of the last three albums, I think it may be fractionally worse than the other two. But that is no insult, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb and All That You Can't Leave Behind were masterpieces. Between the three albums though you have almost a decade of absolutely incredible music from a band that is almost old enough to be your daddy.

To see this level of passion and enthusiasm from a band that could just sit back and count their piles of money is quite something. It is easy to see why they are the biggest band in the world.

Update: Yeah, I was too harsh about track four. It includes the lyric, 'I drove to the scene of the accident, and sat there waiting for me.' For that lyric alone it cannot be considered shit. So with that revision in place I am going to up the album rating to 96.128% on my meaningless scale. Probably still an A- though.

Easy Money?

I had to laugh today. I got one of those scam emails, which I don't get too often thanks to a very good spam filter.

-- I am Wong Chin and work in a bank in HongKong. I want to consumate a legitimate transaction of Thirty-Eight million Five Hundred and Ninety One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Five United State Dollars Please email me on chin_wong15@yahoo.com.hk for final update.

Regards
Wong Chin.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but for some obscure reason I don't think this is a legitimate offer. Just call me Mr. Skeptical.

The Politics Of Politics

I recently watched an interesting exchange between some people on Facebook that spilled over onto some blogs. It was a political discussion that began when someone posed the question "[Facebook Member] is wondering if Obama voters/fans still have that 'hope'"

This loaded question was written by a harsh critique of Obama, who claims not to have voted for McCain or Obama in the last election.

Various people posted a response, but one in particular really stood out. I'm not going to quote the whole thing, just the meat of it, but the points made were:

1. I'm not going to get involved in a political discussion.
2. Political discussions involve too much 'drama.'
3. I'm sick of people bashing Bush all the time.
4. The American economy is not controlled by any one person (not Bush or Obama).
5. No one man (or presumably woman) can fix it.
6. Nuff said.

Now I have to say I take issue with some of these points. I chose not to respond in the forum of Facebook, because of the relationship involved, and the fact that my views would be blatantly offensive to some of the people involved. But this is my blog and I can say what the fuck I like here, without being polite.

So here are my issues with the above listed points:

1. Why begin a political statement with the preamble that you are not going to make a political statement, and then make one anyway?
2. I don't see why intelligent people cannot have a political discussion without becoming offended or defensive. I'll quite happily debate politics with anyone, and listen to any opinion, no matter how stupid it may be. But some people appear to have an inability to discuss matters intellectually without becoming emotional and irrational.
3. Three is a biggie for me. A lot of Republicans whine about how Bush has become the whipping boy for all that is wrong with society. But why shouldn't he be? He was a complete fuck up from beginning to end. A total moron put in a position he was not qualified or intelligent enough to hold. A good look at our society today, compared with the year 2000 gives a stark snapshot of the reality of this fact. George Bush took a big fat upper decker in our collective toilets and then flew back to Texas to enjoy his retirement. His utter incompetence will be felt by millions of people for many years to come. Some of the scars he left on this nation will never heal. I challenge anyone who claims we should leave poor old Mr. Bush alone to explain why he deserves such special treatment. Why should a man not be held accountable for his actions?
4. Granted no one man controls the economy, but a president who is making a string of catastrophically bad decisions can certainly drive the economy to the top of a cliff, let off the handbrake and leave it to roll down the other side. Just imagine how our economy might look if Bush had taken national security more seriously and prevented 9/11. Imagine if we never went to war with Afghanistan and Iraq. Imagine if he didn't rob from the poor and dump it on the richest people in the country. Imagine if he had maintained our infrastructure and built on the solid economic legacy of Clinton.
5. Well again, maybe it would not need fixing if someone hadn't fucked it up in the first place. But in any case it's pretty obvious old man McCain and his bag of tired more-of-the-same policies were not going to fix anything. Let's remember that this is the guy that followed up his decision to hire an idiotic bimbo as a running mate, by telling us all that the economy was in great shape fundamentally, while the aforementioned bimbo went around telling us who the 'real' Americans are. Thanks, but no thanks. It's hard to claim you are a man of change when you spent most of the last eight years kissing up to Bush and being a sell out.

I don't mean to be harsh here, but everyone has a patriotic duty to educate themselves about politics. Don't vote Republican because your parents did. Don't vote Democrat because your friends are. Learn to think for yourself, and vote accordingly.

I find it very irritating when people claim not to be interested in politics or are incapable of conducting an intelligent discussion about it.

Politics affects all of us here in America, and also our friends and enemies around the world. Look at the mess we are in right now and learn from that. Complacency and stupidity allowed George Bush to begin his reign of terror. Mark my words it can certainly happen again. You owe it to yourself to open your mind, and fill it with facts. Discuss politics with others, and don't get defensive when you are wrong. Consider that some of your opinions are wrong. Learn to evaluate new ideas, and evolve as a human. You owe it to yourself, and to every human on the planet. Our American President makes big decisions that affect billions of people, when we let an idiot make these decisions it causes horrific ramifications.

U2 On Letterman All This Week

In case you missed the news U2 will be on the David Letterman Show every night this week.

If you are a fan, you might want to set your DVR. Although I think Letterman is annoying and needs to retire, I'll certainly tune in this week.

I got a chance to listen to some of the live surprise performance U2 did in London last week on the roof of the BBC Radio One studios. Get On Your Boots might actually be growing on me, and I certainly will be purchasing their new album. If it is even 60% as good as their last two albums it will be quite an achievement.

If anyone wants to fly me to their upcoming concerts and pay me to blog about it, I'll be more than willing :)

Crazy Hudson River Crash Simulation (With Audio)