Bill Maher Quotes

It's been a while since my last post, but I've been writing a book. So far I'm 38,000 words in, and this is eating into my blogging time.

I've been meaning to post this for a while, but I've not gotten around to it. Here are some of my favorite Bill Maher quotes from recent times:

"It’s ridiculous to say that all Republicans are racist. That of course is not true. But nowadays, if you are a racist, you are probably a Republican."

"New Rule: Blockbuster cannot announce it's closing 960 stores. Where will I go to rent a movie in 1988? And how do they still have 960 stores? Blockbuster, if you're still open next fall, you owe me a late fee."

"New Rule: Stop bringing me the phone book! The last time anyone ever needed a phone book was 1988! And that was a cop using it to beat a suspect! If you're dropping a bag off on my porch, it had better be full of weed."

I'd personally like to expand on the last "New Rule" because every few weeks someone comes to my home while I am at work and dumps a sample of some crappy local paper on the floor outside my home. I stop, get out of my car, and take the (often) wet bag containing a newspaper I am never going to read and toss it into the trash. You guys at News & Neighbor need to realize a few things:

1. Your media is dying. We have this new invention called the Internet. I don't need to look at a dirty piece of paper and get ink on my hands to find out what is going on in the world. I already know; probably before you do, and certainly before you can send me your crappy paper.
2. From a sales point of view, when I have to get out of my car to pick your trash off my property, all it does is piss me off, not make me want to give you money.
3. When our private property has a sign that says "NO SOLICITING" this includes you, it wasn't a special sign we put up for all the other people trying to sell their shit from door to door.
4. I will never open the plastic bag to even look at your paper before throwing it in the trash. So let's save the environment together. Don't drive over here, don't print my copy in the first place, and don't pay someone to put it in a plastic bag that is going to spend hundreds of years in a land fill site.
5. You are going out of business. Maybe not now, maybe not next week, but you are going out of business. Accept that fact, close down now, before you hawk everything you own to keep afloat. There is precious little demand for a local rag as it is, without being the obscure one that no one reads in this area. The writing is on the wall.