Sarah Palin Arrested

Governor Sarah Palin was arrested by police today on charges that she did in fact abuse her authority in the so called 'troopergate' case.

In a 263 page report, the investigative panel found that the Governor had applied pressure on a state official to fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a State Trooper, because he was 'a bad man, who was mean to my sister.'

After reading the damning report that showed Governor Palin to be so completely incompetent and untrustworthy the District Attorney issued a warrant for her arrest on Sunday night.

Authorities finally caught up with Palin as she boarded the straight talk express tour bus in West Virginia. Police say there was an old man on board rambling about being a maverick, but while he appeared to be very old and confused, he did not cause any problems during the arrest. Although it is possible he may be charged with harboring a fugitive, if it can be proven he is of sound mind.

Sarah Palin is reported to be in custody today awaiting extradition to Alaska. Her court hearing is scheduled for Friday where she will answer various corruption and abuse of power charges, together with additional charges regarding her refusal to cooperate with the investigation (where she falsely claimed 'executive privilege.')

Her lawyer stated that while she clearly did abuse her position as Governor, she should not face jail time due to the fact that she did not make any personal financial gain from her crimes.

Sarah Palin, issued the following statement though her lawyer:

"Gosh darn it. Say it ain't so? I don't want to answer questions about my competency or the fact that I abused my power. I want to talk about energy. That's what it's all about you see? When Joe Sixpack and Hockey Mom's sit around the kitchen table, what they care about is fuel prices, not my criminal activities. I don't like how things happen in Washington here, because I am a maverick and so is my old friend John McCain.

Obama Hussein is obviously a terrorist. He pals around with them all the time you know? And he's like black and stuff right? And I think he eats kittens too. While they are still alive.

Anyway I am going to tell that judge in court on Friday that I am innocent. Using facts to convict me is just typical partisan backwards lookin' politics. No one wants to discuss the past anyway, what matters is the future. That's what we mavericks say. Gosh darn it, why don't you people understand?"