Don't pee on my leg

I'm sitting at my desk on hold with Cingular Wireless right now. As I wait on hold they are explaining to me why I am so lucky to be a customer of theirs. Now I hate all cell phone companies (almost) equally but the one thing I really can't stand is being kept waiting on hold for over 20 minutes while being told that the customer service is wonderful. Personally I think great service would be a human answering the phone within 30 seconds and solving my problem. Suncom used to be even worse than this using some self-satisfied actor telling me that Suncom 'get it.' I don't think so; I've never had worse service from a cell phone company in my life.

What annoyed me specifically about Cingular today was the commercial they played me that begins, "There's a reason why gas stations have self service pumps, and grocery stores have self service checkouts...It's called convenience." They then went on to try and sell me on the idea of discussing my issues with a computer as opposed to telling a human what my problem is and having them fix it.

Let's be quite clear on this. The reason that they have self service at the pumps and now in grocery stores has nothing to do with convenience. It is all about money. Specifically their money and keeping as much of it as possible. How can it possibly be convenient to get out of my car and pump my own gas? How is it convenient for me to scan and bag my own groceries?

As Judge Judy Sheindlin once said, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." I have spent about 30 minutes on the phone and I am currently on silent hold waiting for the representative to explain to me why they have not sent me the $352 they owe me. The only thing convenient about that is I am using my new Bluetooth wireless ear piece so I can still use my computer.

In retrospect perhaps there analogy wasn't so bad after all. Their service is about as convenient as getting out of my comfortable car on a cold day to pump gas into my car. Maybe next time I go to the car wash they'’ll hand me a sponge and a bucket so I can have the convenience of washing my own car.

How lucky I am that Cingular are providing me with such a convenient service.

Conclusion: It took 36 minutes for a representative to understand my problem and assure me that a manager would call me within 24 hours to explain where my money is and when I will get it.