Happy New Year

My wife and I try to stay home on New Year's wherever possible. We live in a town where public transportation is severely limited, and drink driving poses a serious problem. So rather than being killed just to go and stand in a shitty smoky bar, we stay home, watch TV, and drink Champagne. Sometimes with friends, other times without.

This year we tuned in to the various New Year countdowns that were on offer, and to our dismay found that they were all total shit. The music was just ghastly. Here is a small sample:

Yo yo yo, know what I'm sayin'
Yo Yo, New Year's Eve 2007
2007, Yo Yo, Nah what I'm sayin'
Yeah New York, 2007 yo.

Now I am not trying to dis rap, but seriously. I only saw one rapper I had heard of. The others seemed to be so fat they had to have their shiny gold coats custom made. I also watched a band identified only by their stupid hair cuts cover the old time classic Song 2, by Blur. After all Blur must be so old now there is no way they could have performed their own song.

Christina Aguilera sung some awful song well, followed by one that people had actually heard of. But for some strange reason she seems to think it is 1926, hence the weird hair cut and makeup.

Another person also thought it was 1926, and that was Dick Clark. He probably quite enjoyed being a young man in 1926, and decided to ignore reality for a while and simply pretend that time was no longer moving forwards.

Clark's performance was a complete joke. I hate to be mean about the elderly and afflicted, but there comes a time when you have to hang up your 1960s headphone set and realize that you are decrepit useless drooling old man with nothing left to contribute to the modern world. It is not brave or special to sit motionless trying to pretend that the last few decades had not happened. His being on TV was an embarrassment to himself, his family, and the hoards of sycophants who work around him telling him he's still got it.

I know that America is so young people sometimes like to cling to 'tradition' such as this. But showing this man stumbling through his lines was just sick. The man has had a stroke, and nearly died so many times. He needs to retire with what is left of his dignity. This should have happened in 1979.

Picking up the slack for the old man was Ryan Toolcrest. It was quite hard to know who to dislike more. A sad delusional old man, or a sad closeted egomaniac with his disingenuous smile. Toolcrest and the other presenters kissed up to Dick like they were looking to score an inheritance. The mediocre talent picked for the show mirrored their own, and 2007 rolled around with the presenters making grandiose claims more in keeping with the discovery of alien life or a cure for cancer, than merely the start of a new year.

Suffice to say I did not enjoy the crap the networks spewed my way this New Years. MTV did not do any better. Neither did the other networks that took a shot at it. Having watched this New Year's sad fest, I may be tempted next year to take my chances with the drunk drivers. Apparently the TV networks have long since given up on quality New Years programming.

So long 2006, hello 2007.

Well, 2006 is all but over and I felt it only fitting to say goodbye. I have been horribly negligent when it comes to my blog and have not bothered to make an entry for several weeks.

I was fully intending to write something about the Bush administration getting their asses handed to them in the midterm elections. But I just never got around to it. Needless to say, I am very please to see the American people finally getting the picture that Bush is retarded.

I was also very pleased to see the demise of that asshole Bill Frist. After trying so hard to appeal to his base by outlawing some forms of gambling, a very clear message was sent to him that he is not presidential material. Despite the horrible job that Bush has done, the public believe that Frist would be even worse.

Britney Spears finally dumped that freeloading loser K-Fed and decided to hang out with America's super bimbo Paris Hilton. My end of year picture could not have been much else. Two trailer trash idiots with money and no class. In true American tradition I censored the image. I'm guessing a shaved beaver would get my blog closed down. The uncensored version is not hard to find. But quite honestly there are plenty of web sites where you can look for cheap classless whores showing their snatch.

Donald Trump nearly fired one of his bitches, I mean beauty queens. Miss USA landed in hot water after allegedly drinking, partying, doing drugs, and having lesbian kisses with Miss Teen USA. Then the ugly fat bitch Rosie O'Donnell decided to lash out at Trump over his 'moral values.' He hit back with a few choice words where he labeled her disgusting, among other things.

Frankly, I thought Trump made the right choice. Miss USA should get a second chance. America is a country of extremes. We are sometimes all too quick to call for retribution and severe punishment for even the most innocuous of 'crimes.' This woman is an adult who got a little carried away with her exciting new lifestyle. Trump should take some responsibility for pulling her out of her Kentucky trailer and putting her in a New York penthouse. As for O'Donnell, the sooner they knock her fat ass off TV, the better.

Saddam Hussein was executed today. He was hung for crimes against humanity. One wonders how many people will die in the wake of these events. Having watched a documentary about his lifestyle I cannot help but question why he decided to provoke America into a war. He had an opulent life and lived like a king. He could have enjoyed the remainder of his life in complete luxury, but instead chose to finish it at the end of a rope. Doesn't make much sense to me.

Well it's time to wrap up. I have some sleep and general laziness to fit in before New Years Eve. Next year I will try to make time for a few more posts. Until then, may all my readers enjoy a Happy New Year.

As they like to say in America, "Celebrate Responsibly." Whatever the fuck that means.

Post 69 - New Rule

I'm a big fan of Bill Maher. I watch his show each week on HBO, and love the 'New Rules' part of his show. But this week he said something that is so incredibly true I had to re-post it. Now many people will see this as America bashing, but I see it as a total patriotism. If anyone believes this is anti-American, they are too stupid for living.

Here's what Bill Maher said:

"America must stop bragging that it's the greatest country on earth and start acting like it. Now, I know — I know this is uncomfortable for the faith-over-facts crowd, but the greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers: Infant mortality rate, America ranks 48th in the world; overall health, 72nd; freedom of the press, 44; literacy, 55th. Do you realize there are 12-year-old kids in this country who can't spell the name of the teacher they're having sex with?

Now, America, I will admit, has done many great things: making the New World democratic comes to mind, the Marshall Plan, curing polio, beating Hitler, the deep-fried Twinkie. But what have we done for us lately? We're not the freest country. That would be Holland, where you can smoke hash in church, and Janet Jackson's nipple is on their flag.

And, sadly, we're no longer a country that can get things done, either. Not big things, like building a tunnel under Boston or running a war with competence. We had six years to fix the voting machines. Couldn't get that done. The FBI is just now getting email!

Prop 87 out here in California is about lessening our dependence on oil by using alternative fuels, and Bill Clinton comes on at the end of the ad and says, "If Brazil can do it, America can, too." Excuse me, since when did America have to buck itself up by saying we could catch up to Brazil?! We invented the airplane and the lightbulb. They invented the bikini wax, and now they're ahead?!

In most of the industrialized world, nearly everyone has health care. And hardly anyone doubts evolution. And, yes, having to live amid so many superstitious dimwits is also something that affects quality of life. It's why America isn't going to be the country that gets the inevitable patents in stem cell cures, because Jesus thinks it's too close to cloning!

Oh, and did I mention we owe China a trillion dollars? We owe everybody money. America is a debtor nation to Mexico! We're not on a bridge to the 21st century. We're on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters.

And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it's 1955 and we're still number one in everything. We're not. And I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country, and I wish we were. But when you're number 55 in this category and number 92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam "Number One" finger.

As long as we believe being the greatest country in the world is a birthright, we'll keep coasting on the achievements of earlier generations and we'll keep losing the moral high ground. Because we may not be the biggest or the healthiest or the best educated. But we always did have one thing no other place did. We knew soccer was bullshit.

And...and we also had a little thing called the Bill of Rights. A great nation doesn't torture people or make them disappear without a trial. Bush keeps saying the terrorists hate us for our freedom. And he's working damn hard to see that pretty soon that won't be a problem."

Asshole

This is not the first time I have written on the subject of online poker. It's a game I have grown to enjoy tremendously over the past three years and thanks to Bill Frist, steps are being taken to outlaw this wonderful game.

In a typical corrupt politician move he snuck anti-gambling legislation into a completely unrelated bill to secure our nations ports. Now one might ask first of all why it has taken five years since 9/11 to try and secure our ports, but that's probably a different issue.

In an underhanded move he slipped this faulty legislation into the bill and the whole thing got approved. When asked about the bill Frist said, "Gambling is a serious addiction that undermines the family, dashes dreams and frays the fabric of society." One might even start to agree with this wonderful logic until one reads the bill. You see the bill does not seek to outlaw online gambling at all. It actually provides exceptions for horserace betting, fantasy games, and online lotteries. So as they say in the south Dr. Frist is talking out of both sides of his mouth. You can't pretend to be tough on gambling while at the same time legalizing specific forms of it that you happen to like.

America is supposed to be land of the free. Why do we have to put up with assholes like this telling us which specific forms of gambling we are allowed to participate in? It's our money. We earned it, we paid our tax on it, and we want to spend it in a manner of our choosing. Trying to emulate China is not the way forward. We need to fully legalize online gaming, allow American companies to cash in on this massive market, tax it and regulate it. There can be no excuse for this attack on our liberties.

But despite the annoyance of this sleazy politician messing with our liberties, it is not all bad news. According to analysts the bill is deeply flawed. It does not make playing poker online illegal, it really just cracks down on companies operating in the US for the purpose of online gambling. The bill also makes it harder to transfer money from American banks or credit cards to online gambling sites. Of course this does nothing to prevent people from using Neteller or a similar service. So in other words it should change very little for American online poker players. Certain sites may withdraw from the market, but many more will remain.

With any luck these evil politicians will feel that their work on this issue is done, and go back to legalizing torture and plotting world war three. Maybe now they will leave online gaming alone for a while so we can continue to enjoy this all American game of poker.

Crikey!

I woke up this morning to the sad news that Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has died. In a surprising twist he was not killed by one of the many dangerous animals that he handled, but was killed in a freak accident when a normally harmless stingray stabbed him in the chest. Stingray have a barbed spiked tail with a venom, but hardly ever attack humans.

Steve was swimming in the sea off the coast of Australia filming a documentary about the Great Barrier Reef when the accident happened.

Steve was an incredible naturalist and reptile expert. He used his fame and fortune to expand and improve the world famous zoo and conservation center his father opened. His passion spilled onto the screen and hopefully inspired others to take up the cause of animal preservation.

We'll miss you mate.

Steve Irwin, 2/22/62 - 9/4/06

Remember Remember

Those of you who read my blog regularly will notice that I have been going through what one might call a movie drought. I have been subjected to such shit as X-Men 3 and War of the Worlds recently which is enough to make one simply stop watching movies.

But a few months ago I was fortunate enough to be invited to see V for Vendetta with some friends. I went and was fortunate enough to witness what I believe to be the best movie of the year. I even went so far as to pre-purchase the movie on DVD so that I could receive it on the day of release.

There are plenty of reviews and opinions you can read about this movie, so I won't bore you with stuff you can read elsewhere. This movie is exceptional, and I have watched it three times in the past week. Just go rent it or buy it today, I promise you will not be disappointed.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Thanks Frist

Yesterday I received my first blow off letter from a politician. Good old boy Bill Frist had one of his underlings send me a nice blow off letter about HR4411. I had written to him to ask him to oppose HR4411 on the basis that it was an unworkable law that made no sense. If HR4411 is passed into law ISPs will be required to scan every page they serve to their subscribers and filter out links to gambling sites (like they do in China). The government will be allowed to check everyone's bank account for evidence of receipt of money from an online gambling site. The law will actually do little to prevent any of the bad side of Internet gambling, but will infringe the civil liberties of American citizens yet again, even if they have never gambled online.

Over 70 million Americans play poker, 23 million of those do so online. This outrageous bill seeks to take away rights not only of poker players but non-poker players alike. But as usual no one cares. No one cares that taxing in regulating online gaming could create $3.3Bn in tax revenue almost overnight. No one in politics seems to care that there are real and pressing issues that need to be addressed.

So thank you for the blow off letter Dr. Frist. Too bad you are just too busy and important to address the real issues facing this nation.

If you are angry about your rights being taken away and believe that in a free country anyone of age should be allowed to play poker online, click here to send a letter to your Senator. Then maybe you too can get a standard blow off letter from the underling of a politician who doesn't care.

Online Poker Attacked Again

In a move that can only be designed to make America more like China, some of our great politicians voted on Tuesday July 11th to ban online poker.

The House Of Representatives voted by 317 to 93 to outlaw various gambling web sites. This insane legislation known as H.R. 4411 sponsored by Jim Leach, R-Iowa prohibits banks and credit card companies from processing money from online gaming sites. And in an even more China-like move it would require US based ISPs to block or disable hyperlinks to web sites that offer gambling.

That's right folks. Internet service providers that currently offer every kind of porn access imaginable will be required to write special software to filter out links to certain gambling web sites.

But for some inexplicable reason this legislation gives a free pass to online horse betting, Internet lotteries, and some fantasy sports. So poker and certain online gaming is evil and needs to be stamped out, whereas horse betting is just fine.

So with all of the social and economic problems created by the Bush administration, they are debating flag burning and online poker. It's great to see that they have their priorities in the right place.

In a recent poll 74.2% of Americans said they believed that the government should not prevent people from playing online poker in the privacy of their own homes. In the same poll when asked if the government should prevent people from playing poker, an overwhelming 90% said no. It is time these politicians listened to the people instead of wasting valuable government time on such unnecessary and unpopular legislation.

If any of this makes you angry and you want to take action, check out the Poker Player's Alliance, and see what you can do about the situation.