America's Got Talent?

I have to admit that I've been watching America's Got Talent this season. It's not something I'm proud of, but I have to keep it real and tell it how it is.

In the spirit of keeping it real, I think NBC need to stop lying to young impressionable people when they brag about the $1,000,000 grand prize.

If you DVR the show and read the fine print right at the end of the credits you will see that the $1,000,000 described is actually an annuity. No one is going to pay you a million dollars for winning the show. In fact these cheap bastards pay out over a staggering 40 years!

This means that far from living like a rock star you are going to be getting about $480 a week as a prize (probably paid annually). Of the $25,000 you get paid, you will have to pay a bunch of tax most likely, so you'll probably be lucky to clear $20,000 a year, if that. So in the hand after deductions you may get around $380 a week.

Now I'm not going to pretend that it wouldn't be nice to receive that kind of money for doing nothing. But equally, let's not try and pretend that the winner is going to receive a million dollars in cold, hard, life altering cash.

With the advertising revenue that the show must be making, it is astonishing that the best they are willing to offer is a $480/week pay check.

All that said, we all know that the winner will have a real shot at making it big and making far more than the prize. But I still feel a little cheated when the prize is so badly misrepresented throughout the show and then only mentioned in the small print right at the end.

Seriously?

A Big Brother contestant shows a frightening lack of knowledge.

The Name's Bond

There's no doubt that Daniel Craig has made a great new James Bond.

For me his arrival has sparked a new interest in the series, and I respect a more 'keeping it real' approach to Bond. After all was anyone really buying the invisible car and magic watch?

All that said, I am getting a little irritated with Bond being fired or going rogue all the time. How about a movie where he just does his job really well and his bosses thank him for a job well done.

The whole 'bad cop who breaks the rules but gets the job done' thing has been going on for years. Introducing that to the James Bond franchise is a little cheesy. We get that he's a rebel, but there are only so many times you can give a one fingered salute to your employer before they stop taking you back.

Lessons In Lego

I've lived in America for the better part of a decade now. I've grown accustomed to the strange way that many Americans craft the English language. Not surprisingly I have a handful of pet peeves.

Burglarized

The English word is Burgled. "My home was burgled." Why take such a simple English word, make it longer a and put a Z in it for no reason? Did someone want to win a Scrabble game?

Coupé

It's pronounced COO-PAY. The é is not silent, and it has an accent on it modifying the way it should be pronounced. Even if you take off the accent, the 'e' is still there. Much like there is an 'h' at the beginning of the word 'herb' that Americans seem to think is silent (it's not by the way).

Legos

This is actually my big beef of the day. A little while ago I was watching a news channel, and they were talking about how someone had built something out of 'Legos.' In fact, they kept going on about 'Legos' for quite some time.

Since Lego Group is one of the largest toy manufacturers in the world, and an estimated five billion hours of play take place with Lego Bricks each year, let's take a moment to understand how to say the word.

Lego Group is a corporation who make, among other things, the Lego Brick. You can have one Lego Brick, or two or more Lego Bricks. As an abbreviation, you can call it a piece of Lego, or several pieces of Lego. But there is NEVER an 'S' on the end of the word. Just like sheep; the plural of sheep is sheep. The plural of Lego is Lego.

That concludes the English lesson for the day.

Gone Fishin'

I was on vacation when Sarah Palin resigned.

But it is nice to see that Sarah has finally found a task more in keeping with her skill set.

Perhaps we can move towards a time when we don't elect politicians who are as dumb as a fucking brick. George Bush showed us what happens when you give a retarded person too much power. Let that be a lesson to all of you.

As for Sarah, PLEASE stay on vacation for the rest of your life. It's not that I hate retarded people, but it does scare me to think that America could elect another person with special needs to the White House.

Universal Healthcare

Are you one of those Fox News viewers that still doesn't get it when it comes to universal health care? We'll it's time to wake the fuck up and sniff the American infant mortality rate (among the many other indicators that our system is broken).

I had the good fortune to see Sicko again for the first time since it came out. Watching this movie seemed to drive home some of the serious problems in our system. It was also interesting to compare the bullshit arguments the right used to shut down Hillary Clinton's health care initiatives during the 90's. The same old white right telling us that universal health care cannot work, despite the reality that it does in the rest of the western world.

So if you haven't seen this powerful movie, might I suggest you do so now. Your life could depend on it; and hey, it's less than $10 now.

eBay are Nazis!

Yes, I am going to invoke the Nazi argument here.

So I gambled with eBay again, against my better judgment, and thought I would blog about how fucking shit they are, with their partners in crime PayPal.

As I've previously mentioned, I purchased a new watch, and liked it so much I saw no need to hold on to my old Tag Heuer.

Despite my belief that eBay is operated by child killing Nazi KKK wizards, together with my previous bad experiences with them, I figured if I wanted to get the best possible price for my watch it would probably be worth the gamble.

So I put it up for $777; a ridiculously low price for a watch that retails new for $2,600, and I didn't even put a reserve on it. Thankfully, a last minute bid frenzy pushed the price to just over a grand, which isn't bad for a used Internet purchased example in average condition.

eBay forced me to list it for five days, despite the fact that people rarely bid on an item to the last 48 hours. The sale happened on July 1st. I had requested in my listing that payment be made within 48 hours of the sale, but of course it was four days before my buyer bothered to send the money. I shipped the watch overnight on 7/6/09, the first shipping day available after I got paid.

My buyer wasn't in when his watch arrived on 7/7. It took him a while to go and pick up his package, which begs the question why he paid extra for overnight service.

Delivery happened at 1:07pm PST on 7/9/09.

So why I am pissed?

Because today is 7/11/09 and I still don't have my money.

Apparently, thanks to a policy I was not aware of PayPal (also owned by eBay), place 'large' sums of money on 'hold' until they decide to release it.

So my slow buyer who never seems to be home has to bother to go and give me positive feedback on eBay, or several days have to drag by after the package was delivered before PayPal release my funds to me.

I just happen to think that is bullshit.

I first listed my watch for sale on June 25th. Here we are, July 11th, and all I have to show for my efforts is a missing watch, a bill for shipping ($85), and no money.

It's hard for me to see why eBay is so popular. I've sold a few items with it, and there always seems to be some kind of catch that fucks everything up. Stupid buyers, eBay being jerks, PayPal sticking their nose in etc.

Just once it would be nice to sell an item, get paid in a timely fashion, and not get screwed over by eBay or their evil son PayPal.

By the way, the picture is a new eBay slot machine they have in Vegas now. At this rate, I think I might have better luck playing that. The question is, if they pay out, will your winnings be put on 'hold?'